


White Noise

by OurDeal



Category: FOX NFL Sunday RPF, National Football League RPF
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 06:33:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurDeal/pseuds/OurDeal
Summary: Danny is hiding a secret from Julian, and it’s only that much easier due to the distance between them. One-shot*Total work of fiction^^No footballs were harmed in the writing of this fic





	White Noise

            _I can’t fucking believe it_! _This can’t be happening…I WAS CAREFUL!_ Danny can’t believe what his ears are hearing—especially from the team doctor. Him, having a baby? Ha! He thought that was impossible—he thought that part of him was dead and gone. Danny always worried about the carrier gene that he had inherited, but to him, once he was told that it would never work and that he should be fine. He believed it—but that was before he became a full-blown adult. Now he sits in the medical room of the stadium, far away from the one man who could have made this possible in the first place.

            While Julian is on one side of the country, Danny sits in another. Time differences and distance put a strain on their relationship—and it’s only made worse by the fact that it’s been under wraps for a while. He still has a couple of weeks to deal with whatever decided to take root in his stomach— _and hell no_. Realizing that he can’t bring himself to do the one thing that could help him, he just nods at the doctor and leaves the medical room. Walking down towards the locker room, Danny’s lucky enough that most of his teammates had already left for the day. He’s used to bouncing from team to team—but the only place he ever felt like he was home was in Boston. Being in Detroit brings him no joy—for one, he has to learn a whole new play scheme, and for another, the people who know him the best are on the other side of the country. Knowing that he has a flight to meet up with Julian, his stomach churns, the anxiety building up. _Well, at least I still look normal_. Knowing that he had a flight to catch right after practice, he grabs the small duffle bag he packed for the trip and makes his way towards the entrance of the stadium. Calling for an _Uber_ , he gives the driver specific directions to the airport, where his flight is just getting ready to board. There’s a picture in his wallet—hidden behind useless cards. It’s small in size, black and white in appearance. To the normal person, it looks like nothing’s there, but to Danny—there’s a tiny person. He was so dead-set on getting rid of it, but accidentally hearing the heartbeat, it changed his mind instantly. He knew that if he couldn’t live the life he wanted for himself, then he was prepared to live the life he wants for his unborn child. Subtly, he places his hand flat against his stomach. His abs are still there, but it scares him to know that maybe—soon they won’t. Knowing that Julian would probably not know what the picture is, if he were to look through his wallet, brings him a little ease, but not much.  Prepping himself mentally to see Julian, he wants to cry, but he knows that he has to be stronger.

            As he makes catch after catch, Danny’s stomach is constantly churning. He’s trying to hold back the bile that is trying to leave his body, trying to not give Julian any suspicions about what’s going on with him. Between having a baby and his sadness, Danny is barely hanging on. He pushes himself though, for the bean in his stomach. He’s had a week, and he’s glad that it’s ending. Keeping things from the man he loves hurts Danny to his core, but he knows—knows that Julian isn’t ready for that type of responsibility. It wouldn’t be fair to their child—with Danny being on one side of the country and Julian on the other. They barely see each other as it is, and throwing a baby into that…it would be heartbreaking, to say the least. He figures if he could keep it secret for as long as it takes, then Danny can live with his decisions. He knows that he’ll only keep growing, so having this practice now helps him later. He can play off things as an ‘injury’ if need be, as long as he doesn’t have to meet Julian on the field anytime soon. He doesn’t know how long he can hold on to this secret, but he’s going to try—if not for him, then for the safety of his unborn baby.

            Days and weeks begin to blend together—and his morning sickness is starting to get harder to hide. Puking after every single exercise is not a good look, especially in front of his new teammates. They usually give him strange looks and look like they want to ask, but just can’t. Danny’s fine with that—he knows that even though they are his teammates, they will never be his family. He knows that he will never have what he once had with the _Pats._ Every time he thinks about what happened, he wants to break down and cry, and it doesn’t help that he carries a constant reminder. He’s lucky he didn’t grow as much as he thought he would have—it’s barely noticeable. Even half-way through, he can’t help but hide everything. He doesn’t go as fast as he once could, nor does he tackle as hard as he usually does. Instead, he’s content on being the backup, knowing that he’s safer on the bench than he is on the field. He doesn’t even have the heart to tell his teammates or his coach for that matter. All he cares about is trying to at least get through offseason before everything blows up in his face. He’s happy that now, he’s on break, and he can relax for a second or two. Under his hand, he can feel his baby moving around.

            He still can’t believe that he’s been able to keep this a secret for so long—something that he thought he could never have, and something that he knows he’s not ready for but is willing to try anyway. He doesn’t look like he’s having a baby, yet he is. He still posts pictures on his social media, but no one suspects anything. It’s weird because he thought that he would grow, but instead, he stayed the same. That was the only thing that helps him in this situation. He still thinks about how in about three months, he won’t be able to hide the little human. That Julian could drop in at any time and find out—that’s Danny’s biggest fear. He doesn’t think that he could bear to see the shock on Julian’s face—nor explain the ‘why’.

            “Sometimes, I think that your dad would have loved to be here with us, Rose. I am scared—not of you, but of the situation. You’ll be here before _OTA’s_ and that makes me nervous. I don’t think I’ll be ready to let the world see you. What’s worse is that all of the places that I go to, I have a huge chance of being followed, and that’s not the life I would want for you. I would want you to have a life that’s normal and free from people who want to know what you do all the time. I can only wish that in time, if and when your dad meets you, that he can at least understand why I didn’t tell him about you sooner. I want to keep you safe, and I hope that when you grow older, you’ll understand too. I’m scared that someone will take you from me, and people don't understand how you came to being, but that’s fine. Their opinions of me won’t matter and I just want you to know that, yes, you were a surprise, but now you’ve become my reason.” He can feel her rolling around, and he can’t help but smile—from the moment he found out about her to now—he’s grown and changed. He no longer drags himself from team to team, with dread going through his body. Nor does he feel the need to try to prove anything to anyone, finally finding himself among the chaos. He now knows who he is and who he is going to live for. There was a time where he didn’t know what he wanted—he thought that if he just shrank into the background that no one would miss him. He was partially right—but the ones who did notice missed him the most. He just wants to go home—and by home he means Boston. He hates all of the apartments he’s been in since leaving Boston, only because the one man who he actually cares about is not there.

            As the days blended in together, and day one of his new life slowly approaching, Danny finds himself rationalizing not telling Julian about what’s happening. He’s lucky that he blocked out the two weeks before his scheduled surgery, knowing that people would want to get in contact with him to hang out. He’s using those two weeks to prepare for the change that his life is about to take. No more late nights partying, nor early morning hangovers. No more coming home super late to no one, and definitely no more drinking his sadness away. He’s made himself keep it together, finally able to at least pick up some pieces of his heart off the floor. Even though he doesn’t grow, he could still feel his child rolling under his hand. He’s happy when she’s active—especially now when he feels as if everything was either falling into place one minute and then falling apart the next. His mind is constantly revolving around the thoughts of not telling Julian and the impending arrival. There’s a pang of underlying guilt that blankets even the deepest of joys for him.

            The day arrived, and all he can recall is pain. He’s staring up at the ceiling, trying to figure out how he got there in the first place. He brings his hand to cover his eyes for a second, and he feels a tug from the action. Looking down at his hand, he sees that he’s attached to an IV line, and there’s a heartbeat monitor attached to his finger. His stomach hurts, an everything begins to come back to him. There’s a call button on the remote that was placed right next to his hand. He presses it furiously, and a nurse is walking in to answer it. She smiles at him before taking a seat right next to his bed. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and her green eyes look at Danny with such calm.

            “Hi Danny, I’m nurse Hannah Guild. Your daughter was born healthy, with all 10 fingers and toes. She passed all of her initial tests, and she weighed in at 8lbs and measured at 22 inches. She has a pretty healthy cry, so there’s that.” The nurse is holding Danny’s hand in comfort, and he can’t believe that he’s now a parent. A single one at that—by choice. The doctor walks in next—a small woman in stature whose hair is tied up in a loose bun. She smiles at him, and he can tell that she’s also a genuine person. In front of her is a cart, with his baby in it. He can’t believe it—she’s right there, and she’s real. Reaching down, the doctor comes back up with a pink bundle in her arms. She walks over to him before placing the baby in his arms. Looking down at the baby, Danny’s eyes begin to water. Her eyes are blue—like _his_ , but her hair is all Danny’s. She already won Danny’s heart over, and it was within the first few seconds.

            He’s finally settled with her after bringing her home a couple of months ago. Danny knows that the apartment he has will never be home for him, but instead, home is his daughter—and the man who he will always love, even if he doesn’t know that he shares a daughter with Danny. Yet, the day came, when an explanation was needed. He wasn’t expecting Julian to show up, let alone let himself in when Danny is at his most vulnerable. Danny is caught baby-handed, and Julian is just looking at him with confusion on his face.

            “Where did you get the kid, Danny?” Julian is confused as to why Danny is holding a crying baby in his arms and pacing back and forth in his apartment. There’s a baby blanket on the arm of the couch, and the TV is on low volume. There’s a rocker facing the couch, and Julian can see that Danny has taken really good care of this baby thus far. Danny can’t help but sigh, tears leave his eyes while he tries to mentally prepare himself for what he’s about to say.

            “She’s mine, Julian. I carried her—you remember that night. She’s yours too.” There’s a flash of rage in Julian’s eyes because his ears can’t believe what he’s hearing. Danny having a baby—he thought that was impossible. He remembers Danny telling him once that his body was different—but that the part that made him different was ineffective. He can’t help but sit down, taking it all in. He ends up going through the five stages of grief—but instead of grief, it’s of wonderment. He looks at Danny again, who has a panic look on his face—making his move towards Danny. He takes the baby out of Danny’s arms before effectively quieting the baby down.

            “Her name is Rose. She’s my everything Julian.” Danny is wiping tears off his face, and he can’t believe that it has finally come down to this moment right here. The most dreaded part that he’s ever had to face so far—forget moving from team to team, or starting over. This moment—it’s something that he wishes he could have better prepared for. The questions weigh heavy on Julian’s tongue, but all he can bring his mind to is the most pressing one.

            “Why—why did you hide her from me?” The air gets sucked out of the room, and they can’t help but stare at each other, the question hanging heavy in between them. They render themselves speechless—and they both know that there’s no good answer to be had.


End file.
